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Low expectations...the Road to Peace

How many of us get our feelings hurt because our relationships are not what we think they should be? How many of us feel diminished because a significant other claims that if we loved them, we would be different?

I was thinking about this today while I was reading an advice column in the newspaper. (yes, a guilty pleasure, and also a terrific window into human behavior).

The letter of the day was from a woman who felt sad and depressed because her relationship with a family member was not what she thought it should be. The family member was only able to offer her a phone call once in a while, and she wanted more, and felt cheated and unloved because she expected more.

The advice columnist gave what I thought was great advice. She said "You are thinking about walking away from your family member, but what you really need to walk away from are your expectations".

Wow, ..."your expectations".

That rang a very familiar bell for me, and it is one of the issues I frequently work with in Hypnotherapy sessions with clients.

People are unhappy and anxious because they are always expecting someone to know and care what they need and give it to them. They tell me that they are unhappy because their significant other, their child, their parent is making them unhappy for one reason or the other.

But the other person is not the problem. They are who they are, and more importantly, their lack of the expected response is not their problem either.

The thing that makes people unhappy, that really crushes them is the weight of their own expectations.

I frequently hear hear "I just want to be treated the way that I treat them". Unfortunately treating other people well is no guarantee at all that you will be given the same understanding, the same respect.

It is your own expectations that are making you sad, angry and depressed.

The truth is that you can only control yourself. If you give or extend yourself to others with the idea that your kindness will be reciprocated, you are almost always going to be disappointed.

It was when I gave up expecting anything from anyone that I found my peace. It was unfair of me to impose those kind of conditions on someone else simply because I wanted something back from them, something they wouldn't or couldn't give. They have a right to be who they are even when it is not returning my love, my affection, and my attention.

You are probably reading this and thinking "well, that doesn't sound fair, why should I go out of my way when I'm not being appreciated or cared for?"

The very reason you should, is the same reason that will set you free and put you on the path to peace. Because that is who you are. You are kind, you are thoughtful, you do care and when you do good things for people because you care, it is honest, real and genuine. It is not a transaction, it is not "quid Pro quo".

If you feel that you give too much, it is up to you to set boundaries. When you release expectations of reciprocity, you really don't care what others do or don't do. You are just being true to yourself.

The other side of that coin is that when someone does something for you, you can be happy and grateful. Since you expect nothing, you can receive with joy.

The message of this blog post is that when you have expectations of others, you set yourself up for disappointment. They were not put on this earth to make you happy. You were not put on this earth to make other people happy at your on expense.

Let each kindness come straight from your heart. You are not obligated to continually give that which is not returned. Once you make yourself responsible for your own feelings, it does not matter what others do or don't do.

It only matters what you do, and how you handle yourself moving through a world that doesn't always give back.

It only matters that you understand that your happiness lies in your own hands, and not someone else's.

The root of this type of unhappiness very often lies in childhood issues, of not getting needs met, of a vision of the world that we want to exist, not the one that actually does exist.

This is where hypnotherapy is the most powerful, in empowering you to let go of expectations in order to create the life that you want. A life that does not depend upon others making or breaking your happiness.

You can create peace by letting go of what you want from others and building a life that sees all kind acts (including your own) as gifts to be treasured and enjoyed.

Having experienced this in my own life, I'm in a unique position to help others let go of those toxic feelings and find peace.

If you are tired of feeling overlooked and less than, book a free consultation with me.

Let me help you get free.


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